**sorry that these didn’t show up yesterday…I’ve resubmitted the pics so hopefully you can see them now**

Okay…as I had promised here’s the pics that we took while in Vegas over St. Patty’s Day weekend!

We went to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum…

Jason w/ JLo…a sign beside her said “touch JLo’s most famous asset and make her blush”…so he did!

My favorite…I have TONS of pics of The Rock!!

Jason playing poker w/ Ben Affleck

Make it so…

Jason playing w/ the Blue Man Group

Anyone want to marry George Clooney?

Jason playing ball w/ Shaq

Jason flirting w/ Beyoncè

me hanging out on the American Idol set

Billy Idol doing his thing

even Frankenstein’s monter was there…

of course…Marilyn Monroe

and Judy Garland…

it wouldn’t be Vegas w/o the King!

Jason hanging out w/ the good old boys…

Princess Diana display…very touching

Jason w/ “dubya”

There are a ton more pics…but I don’t want to make this post SO big that it would take forever to load.  Anyway, I think that you get the idea!  It was a LOT of fun!!

Well…the letter of recommendation from my doctor was mailed today to my insurance.  So now I wait…wait to be approved…wait for denial…wait for someone else to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life.  I hate depending upon other people to decide my fate…but what choice do I have?

I called the surgeon’s office to schedule my consultation this morning but instead of speaking to a person I got voicemail.  I left a message with my information on it and why I was calling but the voicemail stated that it could be 48 hrs or more until they call me back.  OY!

Can you tell I’m not a very patient woman? Not when it comes to me anyway.  I’m much more patient with my children and others than I am with myself.

It was mentioned in my last post’s comments that I need to make sure that I’m well informed about the wls and how it will effect the rest of my life before making this decision.  I must let you all know that I’ve been researching this for the past 2 yrs now and that I’ve attended a seminar on it and have talked to several people who’ve had the surgery before I even decided that this is what I wanted to do.  I’m well aware of the drastic changes that this surgery will have on every aspect of my life and have met with doctors and dieticians regarding it all as well.

After my consultation with the surgeon (whenever that will be ) I will have to attend a nutritional class put on by an office appointed dietician informing me of exactly what the diet limitations will be after surgery and for the rest of my life.  I’m already aware of most of the limitations after being given the information from the surgeon’s office when I attended the seminar put on by him back in Sept. of 2005.  However, this is a required item by the surgeon’s office and also by the insurance company and I’m sure it will be helpful and very informative. 

I will also have to undergo a psych evaluation to make sure that I’m mentally stable enough to handle this life changing surgery.  I’m sure that this will be no problem.  I think that I’m quite stable mentally, it’s my emotions that I need to work on!  My doctor even wrote in his letter of recommendation that I’m an “intelligent and motivated” person.   Thanks doc!  (he gets paid to say this stuff…j/k)

I just want you all to know that this decision is definitely something that I have not taken lightly at ALL.  I’ve researched, ask questions, attended seminars, spoken with doctors, dieticians and insurance, and have talked to many people who’ve had the surgery themselves before coming to the decision that this is the best thing for me.  My doctor feels that it is and to be honest…I don’t feel as if I have any other options at this point.  I’ve done everything else that I could possibly do in order to lose the weight and live a healthy life.  However, my metabolism is not normal and my body chemistry is warped.   My body does not react the way it should to reduction in calories and exercise or the weight loss drugs the way that it should…in fact it reacts the opposite of how it should.  When put into ketosis my body goes into starvation mode instead of cleansing like it should.  Ketosis should force your body to expel toxins and drop weight more easily considering it’s a very low calorie diet and consists of very low carb intake. 

I have a severe metabolic disorder and it is genetic.  It’s not because of anything that I’ve done in my life or how I’ve lived my life or my diet.  I’ve been obese since I was 5 yrs old and am a pretty active person even today considering that I’m over 300 lbs.  People who reach the weight that I’m at and above are considered to be “Super Morbidly Obese” which means that the BMI is over 50 and mine is currently 54.6. 

Here is the BMI breakdown:

Basically this is saying that if something isn’t done soon that I will die.  I have not been able to maintain or lose weight (significantly) in the last year and my weight has been consistently increasing for last 10 yrs.  Being that I’m only 30 yrs old and that at the age of 19 I was told by my cardiologist that I wouldn’t live to see 30 because of the strain that my weight has put on my heart and that I’m high risk for a coronary…isn’t exactly good odds if you ask me.

I’ve made the decision to have this surgery so that I can live.  I do feel this is my last resort and without this surgery I do not think that I will live many more years.  I know my body and my medical history and my family’s medical history and all of this states that I will not survive long without a drastic change.

So now…we wait and see.

Well, I went into the hospital for the “sleep study” last Saturday night.  However, I didn’t sleep much at all to be honest.  I woke up numerous times throughout the night.  It couldn’t have had anything to do with the fact that I had over 22 wires hooked up to me and a video camera on me at all times could it? Nah…I didn’t think so.

The technician who observed me told me that I do have sleep apnea…but a mild form of it.  He said that in R.I.M. sleep (the deepest stage of sleep) that I stopped breathing about 12 times…but it wasn’t long enough to fall under the guidelines (more than 10 seconds) to put the C.P.A.P. (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine on me.  He said that my case will have to be evaluated by my primary physician and he will have to decide whether or not I will need to be fitted with a C.P.A.P. machine.

I was very tired Sunday morning when I was released at 6:15am and luckily was able to nap a bit throughout the day.  Although, I don’t think that my body has caught up with the rest that I’ve lost because I’ve been exhausted since.

I also spoke with my insurance company again yesterday to request the “criteria” for which a patient must be meet in order to qualify for gastric bypass surgery.  My doctor asked me to get him the forms from the insurance so that he has a written document as to what he needs to submit to them.  So I faxed it to him yesterday.  I got a call from his office yesterday as well, telling me that the blood test that he’d ordered to check for anemia came back normal…that’s good.

I have to go back in to see him in a couple of weeks…he’ll discuss the sleep apnea results with me then.  I’m hoping that things will at least be going in the right direction by this point.  Even though I’ve only been diagnosed with a mild case of sleep apnea, the fact that I do have it means that I now meet the criteria for the surgery considering sleep apnea and hypothyroidism both are listed as obesity onset co-morbidities and the insurance requires that a patient must have at least two co-morbidities in order to qualify for surgery.

I think that the next step will be for me to meet with the surgeon for a consultation and then go through his requirements of meeting with a dietician (nutritional class), psych evaluation and lab work.

We’ll see…I’m still a bit weary considering how wishy-washy insurance can be about approving these things.  So I’ll believe it when my surgery date has been set and I know for a fact that I’ve been approved.

Hello everyone!

I know, I know…it’s been over a month since my last post.  I’ll say a couple of “Hail Mary’s” and get it over with.

Anyway, since I last posted Jason and I went to Las Vegas for a friend’s wedding.  The unfortunate thing is that Jason was sick most of the time.   However, we still managed to enjoy ourselves (of course).   I’ll post some pics just as soon as I get a chance!

Let’s see…I went to the doctor on Monday and he’s sending me into the hospital for an overnight lab study this Saturday night.  He’s having me tested for sleep apnea.  He stated that if I do have this it’s just one more item to back us up on our plea for the gastric bypass surgery.  I was hoping that I would be approved for the surgery by now, but things never work out quite the way we plan now do they?

Jason has been wonderful about it all and very supportive even when I’ve run out of hope he’s picked me back up again and helped me see the light.  What a good husband huh?  Yeah…well you’ll have to get your own because he’s taken.

Anyway…I have to get back to work now, but I shall not be such a stranger.  I promise!

I went to see the doc this morning and was a bit nervous to begin with.  However, my nervousness turned to sadness after talking with him.  It’s not that he refused to write a letter of recommendation for the surgery…no, in fact he told me to contact my insurance and have them forward the forms that they need completed to his office along with a list of what they perceive to be “comorbidities”.  My doctor is wonderful…he is notthe cause of my frustration.  This whole thing is.

It’s kind of a “catch 22″ really.  In order to be eligible for surgery coverage my insurance states that one must have at least 2 comorbidities and a BMI over 40 (100 lbs or more overweight).  However, one must also be healthy enough to have the surgery to begin with which means that the patient must have all health issues under control.  My blood pressure was high this morning and it hasn’t been in the past 6 months…however the medication that I’m currently on causes high blood pressure.  I have a history of many comorbidities from high blood pressure (hypertension) to borderline diabetic to hypothyroidism, however my doc feels that I don’t qualify now as having all of those.  My hypertension has been under control the past 6 months and I’ve never taken medication for it in the past.  My glucose levels were fine last time I tested so that means that diabetes isn’t a item either.  I’ve been on thyroid medication for YEARS for my hypothyroidism and my levels have fluctuated something fierce this past year but are now under control as well.

I’m upset because I have a feeling that now these items are controlled that it will put me as someone who does not meet the requirements for the surgery because the comobidities are not a threat at the moment and therefore technically aren’t comorbidities.  Does that make sense?

Anyway…it all boils down to the fact that I don’t think that I’m going to be approved.  I hope I’m wrong and I’m still going to try…but I’m just not optimistic at this point.

I think all of that combined with the fact that I work for a company with a warped sense of reality probably has caused my stress level to increase just a bit…well, enough to raise my blood pressure anyway.  I just have a f*idiot for a boss who likes to control everything…and I do mean EVERY aspect of what I do.  He drives me beyond crazy…I just can’t even put it into words how much I loathe this man.  I’ve never had feelings toward another human being the way I do for him.

I worked from home last Monday because I had 2 sick kiddos at home, both of which are way too young to leave home alone.  So instead of putting others in a bind and causing issues I worked from home.  I took care of what I had to in order for people to get paid properly and for others to get the information that they’d requested for their employees.

Last Friday I got a call from my boss throwing a temper tantrum demanding to know “who” gave me “permission” to work from home on Monday.  Wow…that’s a lot of thanks isn’t it?  It’s not like I had any physical records at home or anything like that…everything is on a secure server through our office (whcih was setup by our IT person) and isn’t located anywhere else.  Also I have SO many logins to access records…he doesn’t even have access to the security level that I do!

I told him that there were things that needed to be done and I was not able to leave the house to come into the office to take care of these items so I did what I needed to do so that the employees were taken care of so that payroll could be processed correctly for the week.  He told me that I “wasn’t allowed” to do that unless I had “preauthorization” from him to work from home.  He doesn’t even know what I do…he’s a safety guy and I take care of Personnel for the company.  He doesn’t get it…at all.

Anyway…so I told him that was fine with me.  The next time that my kids get sick at 3am on a Monday morning that I will make damn sure to call him and get “preauthorization” to work from home.

F*IDIOT!

Happy Valentines Day!

Well, it’s certainly been a long time since I’ve posted here hasn’t it? 

An update…

Christmas was nice and I even got a new tree this year.   I had a fiber optic one, but unfortunately the kids burned out the motor from leaving it on so much last year. But the new tree is beautiful!

I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times since I last updated you all.  This last time he sent me into a dietician to have an evaluation done.  She was nice…a little odd, but nice.  He also put me on Meridia (another diet medication)…the approval for that medication took about 3 weeks by my insurance…but they did approve it.  I don’t really see a difference being on this medication either though.   Oh well, the doctor has already stated that on my next visit (2/13) that he will write the letter of recommendation for me to have the weight loss surgery.

I’m now looking forward to really getting the ball rolling on this whole thing.  I hate waiting…I have absolutely NO patience, so as you can imagine, I’m not handling this whole waiting game very well and I know that there’s a lot of more of that to come.  Hopefully though, I will be able to have my surgery before Jason’s birthday in April…that would be wonderful, but if not…then I guess that I will just have to wait my turn.

Other than that…everything has been pretty calm, well…until this last week anyway.  Jason is still awaiting his teaching license…all has been submitted, just waiting for approval.  That’s not the main thing I was referring to though.  Oh no…this one got my blood pressure sky rocketing!

My ex-husband decided the other day that he wants to be allowed to claim our 3 children on his income taxes, so he’s petitioned the court to do so.  Now mind you, the children reside with me and I have custody of them.  He pays child support…but it’s not even enough to cover my weekly grocery bill, let alone actually help support the kids beyond that.  I provide all medical and dental coverage for them along with life insurance.  Jason and I also pay for ALL other necessities for them (i.e. school fee & supplies, clothes – which aren’t cheap, etc.).  I’ve never taken him back to court to raise the amount of child support because well…that’s just not what I’m about.  He hasn’t had any easy go of it financially…well, but neither have we.  He decided a couple of years ago to take it upon himself to claim 2 of our three kids on his income tax and I think now he’s paying for it. 

Our divorce decree states that I am the sole custodian of the children and that I’m the ONLY one allowed to claim them on my income tax.  They reside with me and visit him on the weekends…well, most of the time anyway.  He has them about 28% of the year and I have them the rest of the time.  Now he’s trying to claim that he has them more than that and pays out more than 50% of their financial support…which is BS.  It’s impossible, not with the little amount that he pays in child support.

Anyway, I had to file a response yesterday morning.  I’m sure that the court will dismiss the whole thing considering the evidence that I provided in my response.  That’s not even the point though…the point is that when I asked him about this whole thing he flat out admitted to me that he just wants the money!!

It has nothing to do with the children at all…he says that he’s “sick of drowning in debt…not being able to pay bills”.  Well, I’m very sorry…but that’s not my problem and I’m most certainly not going to allow him to take the money that I’ve rightfully earned to pay off his debt.  Hell, I’m still paying off the debt that he accrued on my credit cards while we were married! 

Oh…and it gets better.  He didn’t just ask the court if he could claim the kids…he wants to do it biannually starting as of 2005 tax period.  Yup…he’s totally trying to screw me.  I’ve claimed the kids ALL this last year because, well…I’m entitled to and he knows that.  If her were allowed to claim them now before filing last year’s taxes…I would be paying out the ass!!

He also told me that he’s not trying to start a war or create problems for me.  Yeah right!!  Whatever…tell it to someone who believes you.

Outside of that…things have been just fine.   How are all of you?

Wow…time just flies when you’re beyond swamped huh?

I’m just stopping in to say that I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving this week.  Enjoy your time with your families and stay safe.

Life Update

Hello everyone!! Wow…it’s definitely been awhile since I’ve been here.  Sorry that I haven’t visited many of you the way that I used to.  Life has been BEYOND hectic for me the past few months.  Here…I’ll give you some examples of what I’m talking about.

Jason is still in school and is currently in his internship (unpaid) at a middle school close to Columbine High School.  He’s been extremely busy considering the volume of students that he is teaching.  However, he is enjoying it immensely.  His internship is now at about the half-way point and he is taking over the classes.  He still gets a bit nervous about it all at times, but I feel that he’s doing a great job and will continue to get better as time goes by and he begins feeling more comfortable with being the ONE to provide the students with the appropriate information to succeed in their studies.

Let’s see…then there’s me. 

As some of you know, well…at least those who’ve been reading my site since I’ve been here, I’ve been obese my entire life and have had many health related issues because of it.  I’ve struggled with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, hypothyroidism, numbness in hand and feet, back pain and weight gain my whole life.  I’ve been on so many different “diets” that I can’t even count all of them…and that’s not including the ones that my mother, who’s a dietician, put me on over the years.  The most recent diet plan was the South Beach diet that my OBGYN put me on last year.  I followed it to a “T” but to no avail…in fact, I still gained weight. 

I’m sure that some of you are thinking, “how could she gain weight if she followed it correctly?”…well, that’s because I have a metabolic disorder and my body doesn’t respond to nutrients the way that it should.  In June of this year I went into my OBGYN for my annual, and because she was the one that put me on the South Beach diet, I expressed my concerns about the weight gain…I weighed in at my highest weight ever, 325 lbs.  They ran a series of blood tests and contacted me a few days later and told me that I was Type II Diabetic and that my thyroid medication needed to be increased.  So they put me on insulin and increased my thyroid medication by 25mg a day.

They also told me that I needed to make sure that I walked every day and continue to eat healthy.  Well, I’ve never been one to eat crap…(i.e. chips, cakes, cookies, and other junk foods) on a regular basis.  Every once in a while I might have a cookie…but not often.  Anyway, after several months of being on the new medication and following my doctors instructions…I was still not feeling well.  My food was not digesting properly and I was tired ALL the time.

So I made a decision…I decided to attend a class on gastric bypass surgery.  I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now (as some of you may recall my mentioning it before)…but this was the first step to making it a reality. I’ve done a great deal of research on this surgery in the past…but I wanted to know exactly what I would be in for if I indeed decided that this was the best option for me. 

The class was put on at the hospital by the surgeon that would be performing the surgery.  He was very thorough in his presentation explaining not only the risks, but the advantages of the surgery for those who are a candidate.  He did not sugar coat anything for people…he stated the facts and requirements straight away.  It was refreshing to know that he is so dedicated to what he does that he felt the importance of giving the class himself.

The part that got to me the most is when he explained the categories of obesity.  We’ve all heard of morbidly obese…but have you ever heard someone referred to as super morbidly obese?  Me either…until that night.  The worst part…I’m in that category.  Talk about a reality check.

I decided right then and there that I needed to contact my insurance and find out if this procedure would be covered and what the requirements were to meet coverage.  I was pleased to find out that my insurance does cover the procedure and that their only requirements are:

1.  It must be deemed medically necessary (i.e. referenced by the primary care physician showing 6 mos. or more of documented supervised medical loss treatment and obese related conditions)

2.  The patient must have a BMI (body mass index) of 40 or more…OR be 100 lbs or more overweight (I’m 5’3″ and 319lbs w/ a BMI of 57.2)

Well, the only part that I didn’t have was the 6 mos. documented supervised weight loss because my OBGYN refused to assist with that even though they are the ones that had been overseeing my weight throughout the past year. 

I was frustrated, so I called my primary care physician and made an appointment to visit with him regarding this.  He was beyond supportive and actually brought up the surgery as an option before I had a chance to even mention it!  He was also extremely angry that my OBGYN decided to take it upon herself to be the one to run the blood tests on me for diabetes etc.  He said, “that is not her field of expertise and she had NO right even going there”.  So he ran more tests on me and put me on blood pressure medication immediately because my blood pressure was 140/90 at the office visit.

The test results showed that I am NOT diabetic…but my thyroid is still too low.  So he increased my thyroid medication by 50mg more and put me on an appetite suppressant.  I am to see him again the last week of October and once a month from here on out until I’ve reached the 6 mos. requirement and/or am stable enough to have the surgery.  I weighed in at 319lbs. on my last visit on September 26th and my blood pressure was still high…but better 136/82.

I’ve talked to many people who have had this surgery, including one of Jason’s childhood friends who’s been very supportive (he’s lost 200lbs since last December) and a woman who is a patient of the surgeon who put on the class I attended…she was at the class and has lost 135lbs in the past year since her surgery. It amazes me the dramatic change that a person goes through after having this surgery.  I’m not doing this to look better…not first and foremost anyway.  I’m scared…plain and simple.  I may not be diabetic now…but I’m dangerously close to it and I’m in the “high risk” category for coronaries.  With a family history of heart problems and most of my dad’s side of the family dying from massive coronaries…I’m not willing to take that chance.

I’m young…I’m only 30 years old, but I can’t ever remember feeling “normal” weight wise.  I’ve been obese since I was a very young child and morbidly obese since I was a teenager.  I want to be around for my kids and my husband for a long time.  There is so much more I would like to experience in life…things that I’ve never been able to before because of my size and limitations.  I want to be able to take my kids to amusement parks and actually ride the rides with them…to go horseback riding again, which I haven’t done since I was a child…to go to sporting events and be comfortable sitting in a chair…to fly on a plane and not take up more than my seat.  To live a healthy active life for the FIRST time in my life.

Anyway…I will keep you posted on this.  I’m sure that I won’t update every month or anything like that…but I will let you know when I’m able to meet with the surgeon and schedule surgery. 

On a different note…

Jason officially adopted my oldest daughter, Dora on September 27th.  He is now the proud daddy of a beautiful 13 yr old girl!! Dora immediately started practicing writing her new name as soon as she got home that day from the courthouse.  She has also proudly informed all of her teachers that she is an O’Quinn now and would like to be addressed as such from here on out.  Isn’t that wonderful?

Oh…and I’m sure you are wondering how my Caleb is doing…he’s doing wonderfully! He wears his tracking devise (which resembles a wrist watch) all of the time with no hassle and even enjoys checking the battery on it every day.  It’s become a game of sorts.  The other kiddos are doing great and enjoying school this year.

Well…if any of you actually make it this far on this post…God bless you!  I’ll post again sometime…hopefully soon.  Take care of yourselves.