December 2, 2003
-
Wow…
Once again…thank you all for your wonderful comments!
Myki …take care of yourself woman!! Remember, lift with your knees…not with your back.
TheHorseYouRode…thanks for stopping by …and for the encouraging words!
Jen…I guess you could still send those get well cards out m’dear…considering it’s my group…I’m sure that they would apply for at least a few more weeks…unfortunately.
Tanya…for your sake…I hope that you don’t get sick at all!! Being sick just sucks!
Toni…wow…I had no idea that you knew my hubby, but then again…most people that I’ve met through Xanga have known him on Xanga at one point or another…haha…so I’m not surprised. He reads my site…so I’m sure that he will see your comment and the hello.
And thank you so much for the lovely compliment on my little ones…I too think they are beautiful…but I’m biased.
To everyone else who commented yesterday…thank you very much for all that you say and the support that you give to me here…I appreciate your kind words more than you know.
On a different note…
I had these plans of posting on many different things during the time that I took ill…but of course being ill took up too much time…so I didn’t get a chance to post last week.
As I’d previously mentioned…last Tuesday was the 2 year anniversary of my best friend’s death. I think that for me, the reasons that I’ve had such a difficult time letting go is due to many things. First off…I wasn’t able to attend his memorial service (he lived in Canada), second…we were so close to each other that we were almost twins, third…we’d planned this huge vacation together for last year (which I wound up taking Jason on…and I’m glad I did) but being there where we were supposed to have met was so hard for me, fourth…our last conversation still rings in my head.
See, the last time that we talked…I had this horrible feeling about this trip that he was taking…something just told me that it wasn’t a good idea…and I feared that I’d never talk to him again. I begged him not to go…but of course Peter reassured me that he’d be fine and that he would use “utmost caution” on his trip to Nova Scotia. I hated that he was going…it just wasn’t right, something…just wasn’t right.
The last thing that he said to me is that he would call me Sunday night when he got home…and not to worry, that he loved me and to have a good Thanksgiving.
I never got that call…in fact, I didn’t learn of his death until 2 days after it happened…but by then, I had already known…in my heart, I knew he was gone.
I know that I need closure on this in the worst way…and I know that I will need to travel to where his ashes are scattered to get that closure…and I plan on doing so hopefully this next year.
I couldn’t do it last year…it was just too soon and to be honest, I wasn’t ready to go there. This year of course I was too busy with the wedding plans and surgery to spare enough vacation time and money to go…so, hopefully next year will be a better time.
I need to see where he grew up…where he lived and all of the places that he described to me on so many different occassions. I’m a better person for having known him…he was a beautiful man and the most gracious person that I’ve ever known.
In saying that…I think I understand why God felt that he didn’t belong to this world.
Comments (10)
I remember reading the moving blog you wrote about your friend last year
*cries*
I’m sorry for your loss, Maria.
I am so sorry for your loss.
losing a close friend is something I wish I could say would never need to happen to anyone, but wishes like those never happen.
:*-( I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. I know what it is like to lose someone that close to you!! I lost my best friend in the world 10 years ago now. No-one should ever have to die so young!! Closure is a good thing to have. It helps you come to terms with everything. It can take time, but once it comes….
peace
~*elfqueen*~
sometimes when you are so close to someone you just know certain things. my friend michael and i are like that. i always seem to know when he needs a special friend. or when he needs to talk. life without him would be horrible. it makes me sad just thinking about it. i could only imagine what you go through.
Sending love
Same thing with me and Hart. October 6 was the second aniversary of that. His sister Pam is not doing too great. She got drunk for the first time in a while night before Thanksgiving…and spent Thanksgiving flatlining in the hospital. She’s still not certain about if it was a good thing to have been brought back. That was about a 3 hour call we had. Hmm.
I’m sorry you haven’t been well…and I’m glad that so many people made you feel better! I think the key to living with loss is not letting go, but remembering without pain. That takes time. {{{Maria}}} ~Spot~
I hope you can visit all the places where Peter lived very soon. This sounds like it is gnawing away at you and no wonder! I can’t imagine the pain and grief you have experienced over his loss. Here’s hoping that you find some closure soon. {{big hugs}}
-Lorie-
I hope you can go soon my love… and I will certainly hold your hand when you do go there.
