January 22, 2004
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Overwhelmed…
Lately I’ve felt as if I’ve had this weight upon me that just won’t let up. I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions and my muscles have been beyond tight…to the point of spasm.
I know that I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress this past month, but I think that it’s finally caught up with me…mentally, emotionally and physically. I’m just at a breaking point.
I know that many things have been frustrating me as of late…mostly, my situation as work and home.
Work:
I’m tired of busting my ass to take care of everything only to have my boss walk in after being gone from the office for over 3 months…and attempt to take all of the credit, but then lie to me about it all. Yeah, it’s like working with a politician! He blows smoke up everyone’s ass and tells them exactly what he thinks that they want to hear…but doesn’t follow through on a damn thing. That drives me beyond crazy…it’s making me go mad!! He should’ve been a politician…not a safety manager…or management at all for that matter.
I’m underpaid for what I do…at least 10k a year underpaid. *sigh* That’s not only frustrating…it’s preventing me from providing for my kids the way that I should be able to…which just makes me angry. But, I also know that I’m lucky to even have a job…and with four little ones to support, I can’t afford to be very picky…but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck not having the means to make things easier for us financially.
Home:
My Mom…simple and plain. She is the core of my frustration. I love her…with all of my heart, I love her. But she’s making my life a living hell! She is extremely nosy when it comes to anything in my life…my children’s lives…my husband…everything! She’s a hypocrit…when it comes to taking responsibility for one’s actions. She’ll be the first to blame someone for anything that goes wrong…and the last to admit when she’s the one in the wrong.
The house is a pit!! I do the best that I can to work full time and take care of the kids…cook dinner, clean up and do laundry, etc….but during the day, she watches the kids and pretty much lets them do whatever they want …including completely trashing the house. I’ve talked with the kids and have explained to them that this is not what to do…but when I’m not there…they have noone enforcing this at all…unless Jason’s home.
I dispise clutter…things out of their place…clothes thrown everywhere…papers scatters everywhere…toys broken…dirty dishes left everywhere…food on the floor all over the house…not being able to walk becuase there is so much shit on the floor and not one damn person picks up their own belongings! It just makes me want to scream!!!!!!
So I’ve been trying to clean up one room at a time, but it’s very difficult to do when the room that you’ve just cleaned is destroyed in less than one day after you’ve cleaned it. My Mom decided yesterday that she was going to try to help out and fold clothes…okay, nice gesture…except that her idea of folding clothes is scattering the items all over the couches and then leaving them there…nothing gets put away!! She’ll leave them there for weeks if I let her…so, I come home and have to pick it all up or force the kids to do it.
She lets the kids sit in front of that damn television for the majority of the day! I hate that…she never lets them go outside and play…run off some of that energy. Instead she lets the television be their video babysitter. That’s just not right…especially when I don’t feel that they should watch more than an hour worth of television a day to begin with. I’ve discussed this with her countless number of times…and she’ll agree to not do it, but as soon as I’m not there…their sitting in front of it again, glued to cartoons.
I want my own house!!! I want control back over my life and over my family. This woman goes so far as telling other people that she raises my kids…as if I’m not living with them or supporting them or not completely involved with every aspect of their lives!!
She just goes too damn far!
I just feel numb…I’ve gotten to a point that goes past frustration…anger…resentment…to just numb. I know that I’m the only one that can do something about the situation…believe me, I’m quite well aware of that. But, with my financial situation the way it is right now…and Jason finishing his education…it’s just not time yet for us to move. So I guess that I’ll just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing…and more. I’ll keep going through the house, one room at a time and just start hauling shit out of there by the bag full!
I’ve warned everyone in the house, including my hubby, that if anyone leaves their stuff where it doesn’t belong…it is then subject to disposal. It seems to be working a bit…especially now that I’ve thrown a few things away that actually meant something to them. I don’t like having to go to extremes…but extreme situations sometimes call for extreme measures…so there you go, that’s where I am right now…extremely stressed out.
So…how are you doing?
Comments (16)
Well about the same as you actually
I hope things look a lot clearer for us both!!
I sincerely hope you and Jason are able to be out away from your mother soon. I know my relationship with my mother nearly devastated the one I have with my husband & children. I had to put my foot down and put being a mother ahead of being a daughter. Not easy to do when you’re sharing a home with her though. *sigh*
awww. i hope everything gets better for you soon.
Sorry you feel that everything is getting on top of you
I’m sorry, I could see how that would be really frustrating. Well good luck to your husband so he can finish school, and you guys can move
Oh dear….I hate it when the world feels like it is on top of me instead of the other way around…..
I hope that you can find some peace and maybe just maybe things will start looking better…
sending you hugs…
Tina
Sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Wishing you luck and some semblance of order
well, you know how I feel about it all honey… I just wish I could ease some of the stress for you… I hate seeing you like this. but I love YOU!!!
I’m sorry that the stress had to hit you like this. It always seems to do that. Just builds up and then smashes on top of someone all at once. I hope that you can deal with it and get through it and I’m sure you can. Good luck with everything.
Me
wow….u just need a big ol hug
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Maria }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
have a good weekend and hey, look what Jason said up there…smile.
How am I doing? Well stayed at work until 1 AM helping get area ready for new DM. He stuck his head in the door of the greenhouse for about 20 seconds…. And a coworker got mad at me that night because she thought I was taking too long to do tasks managers wanted me to do, doesn’t say a word to me, but goes off at my two immediate superiors in the dept, who were more startled than anything. Considering how I’ve been trying to be a friend and supportive of this person with problems in her life, I feel rather burned by all this. And I have clutter too, it’s just after cleaning at work, don’t feel like doing that when I get home.
Well, hope it gets better soon. ((hugs))
Hang in there, I hope things get better soon. I am not one to dispense advice on either jobs or mothers but I think you really need to sit down and express to both your mom and your boss where you are coming from. It seems easier to sick back and hope it gets better but then you just end up more frustrated when nothing changes. I have been there trust me right down to the mother in the space 24-7.
Smile…
Gulp! I’m just gonna get out of your way!
oh boy. do i know where you are coming from. but unfortunately. i don’t feel i have too much of a right getting mad. i live in my parents home. not the other way around. i come home from working my ass off at work. (i am underpaid too. by a lot) Katy has not done her chores or her homework. she has sat in front of the tv the whole day eating snacks. my mom knows i hate this. and the house is so trashed. it is just disgusting. i spent the whole weekend. literally scrubbing. it took me twenty hours. and then i came home every day and cooked dinner for my family and did dishes. and on my next day off on wed. i cleaned some more. because not a single person had lifted a finger. and when thursday i was running a bit late from work. i called my mother. her reply ” what are we having for dinner. it is five thirty. you haven’t even figured out what we are having” yeah. i wasn’t real happy at that point. then i got home. and as usual my mom had spent the whole day on the computer. she invited katy’s friend over. and they had completely trashed the house. it was as bad as it was before i cleaned on the weekend. i wanted to hurt people.
I, too, am underpaid.. I can’t believe your mother lets the kids trash the place! YOU are at work and any help she could give is a godsend! What does SHE do all day? I can’t stand to sit in a dirty house, so I clean mine every day when I come home from work. My kids are grown, last one is here but about to be married in 2 months, but we have the grandson each weekend and by Sunday AM it is trashed again– so we don’t have any days off. Lay the law down with your kids and stick to it! Mention to your Mom that is would be appreciated if she could help out.. and turn off the TV! I agree with you..
Keep your eyes on the prize! Try to take a moment everyday to remember what it is that you’re working toward. Things will get better, things will get better, things WILL get better…