February 10, 2004

• A Reality Check…

  
  

  Jason asked me to help him out with some homework tonight…and of course I had no problem doing so.  However, the assignment at hand was to research an article regarding “Parenting a Child With Special Needs”.  That hits home for me in so many areas that I can’t even begin to tell you.

  
  

  The second article listed was, “The Unplanned Journey”…explaining what a parent of a special needs child goes through from the time of diagnosis to dealing with day to day life years later.  The array of emotions that a parent goes through when their child is diagnosed with a disability…in my son’s case, Autism…are so extreme that they are overwhelmed.  Caleb was diagnosed when he was almost 2 years old…but only after a great deal of research on mine and my ex-husband’s behalf.  The pediatrician had told us that Caleb merely had a speech problem and we should take him to see a speech therapist and that he would “grow out of it”.  We knew that it wasn’t the case…their was so much more going on with him outside of just speech problems…or delays.  He was so far behind his twin brother in all of his gross motor skills…months behind in development, but yet advanced in his development of fine motor skills.  We decided to research farther and found a few too many similarities in Autism…so many that we couldn’t overlook them.

  
  

  Almost everything that he did had a methodical nature to it.  He also would flail his arms and hands when he got excited or happy or over stimulated by something.  In fact, he still does…but not as much as he did.  Caleb developed his own sort of language, we referred to it as Calebese, but a bit of babble is all it really was.  He’s never really secluded himself into “his own little world” so to speak…but he has his ways of tuning others out and focusing on what he wants to at the time.

  
  

  In many ways, Caleb has all of the attributes and behaviors of a normal almost 5 year old little boy and in some ways he’s extremely advanced for his age.  He is very intelligent and not only knows his A,B,C’s…but can count to 30 backwards and forwards.  He can spell certain words…including his name…but has no concept of how to tie his own shoe or how to use a spoon correctly.  He learns certain things at an astonishing rate…and yet lacks in areas that are typical to that of a boy his age.

  
  

  When I look at Caleb I see this beautiful little boy who I know is so loving, caring, smart and just sweet as can be…and yet, there is so much missing.  There are times that I look into his eyes and see that he wants so desperately to express himself but just can’t seem to do so.  I know it frustrates him…and yet he still tries, despite of the failed attempts to do so.  I’m very lucky in that he is a very loving and affectionate child which is not a common trait for an Autistic child.  I’m so grateful that he is this way and I don’t take it for granted…ever.  The thought of not being able to touch him or hold him just breaks my heart.  When he leans over and gives me hugs or snuggles up next to me at night and falls asleep or puts his little hands upon my cheeks and kisses me…or simply says, “Hi Mommy”…I literally melt. 

  
  

  His greatest learning strength is song…and boy can he sing!  I’m amazed at what a beautiful voice he has and how well he sings each song.  I guess that he was given a gift of song…which makes be very proud considering the passion that I have for music.

  
  

  Caleb is special…not just a special needs child…but special in more ways that can be expressed.  I’m blessed to have four beautiful children who are healthy, but I’m even more blessed to have on child who needs me in ways that I didn’t know existed.

  
  

  Thank you to all of you who have left me comments and well wishes for a speedy recovery! 

  • 11:18 pm
  • 11 Comments