Well…today is pre-op and tomorrow is the BIG day.  I check into the hospital tomorrow morning at 8am and surgery is scheduled for 10am.  I’m on clear liquids today and nothing after midnight tonight.  I’m really hoping that I won’t be awake at that hour.  I had to get up at 2:30 this morning to take my mom and her bff to the airport so that they could go to their 40th class reunion in Michigan.  Yes, my mom is going out of state while I’m undergoing a major surgery.  In fact, I asked her to go.  Why you ask? Well, let’s just say, I’m supposed to be as calm as possible during the next 24 hrs and that just can’t be accomplished with my mother here.  She tends to raise my bloodpressure just a tad.  So off she went, but of course her bff forgot her precious cell phone behind and now I’m having to overnight it to her.  I have a UPS account, so not big deal, but she didn’t know the address as to where she’ll be staying, so I have to wait until she calls me and gives me the shipping information before I can send it to her.  I also was awake enough at 3 something this morning to get her credit card information to pay for this little mishap, considering it’s going to cost about $45 to ship it Next Day Air! OUCH!

Anyway, I had a GREAT time visiting with my bff while he was here!  Jason & I really miss having him around and wish that we all lived closer, but I’m not willing to move back to Dallas to make that happen.  So, we settle for the visits when we can get them.  We did manage to get a really good photo of the two of us while he was here though (thanks to my wonderful hubby for his photography skills).

I wish I had more time today to sit and chat with everyone, but unfortunately I don’t.  In just a moment I have to run some errands (bank, DMV, store, etc) in preparation for being out of the loop for a few weeks.  I did want to say thank you to all of you who’ve shown your support and shared kind words with Jason & me during this trying time.  We appreciate it very much.

As for my Jason, well…you know I love you more than I could ever express…but just in case you’ve forgotten, I love you baby.

After a great deal of poking and prodding, one of my closest and dearest friends is coming to visit today!   It’s taken me YEARS (literally) to talk him in to visiting me for a change instead of me visiting him (hence the subject line).  

His timing is very good actually, I NEED the distraction in the worst way right now!  For those of you who’ve read my last couple of posts, I’m sure you can understand as to why.  I finally broke down last night for the first time since being told that my organs are fused together and that I’d need to have the upcoming surgery.  It’s been almost a month since I was given that news and yet, it just now really hit me.  I knew it would eventually, but it still came as a shock that I’m scared.  I’m not one who gets scared easily, I’d like to think that I’m a pretty strong person…but even I must admit that the thought of being under in the O.R. for 6-10 hours while a team of surgeons attempt to separate my organs, frightens me.

I have my pre-op appointment tomorrow afternoon and the hospital pre-registered me earlier this week.  Maybe this is why it’s finally all catching up with me?  Maybe.  Either way, it’s overwhelming to focus on right now.  I’ve so much to do in preparation for this surgery, not only at home but at work as well.  Can you say stress? Yeah, I’m sure that’s not what I SHOULD be doing right now.

So, for the next few days while my friend is here, I’m going to try my best to not think about it all and enjoy my time with him and live in the moment for a change.   That’s the plan anyway.

 My best friend is coming out for a visit this week and so I cleaned the house (which needed to be done anyway) on Saturday.  I DEEP cleaned, so it was an 8 hour project, but well worth it.  However, my body doesn’t seem to share this sentiment at all!  It’s really pissed off at me for doing all of that bending, lifting, stretching and stooping.

Jason & I took the boys to the Rockies/Braves game that evening and I had to take a pain pill to get through sitting at the game.  I’m SO ready for this to be over.  I have all of these things that I’d let get accomplished and do with my family, but can’t because my body fights me every step of the way.  It’s very frustrating.

So, yesterday I decided that I need to rest over the next couple of days before my friend shows up on Wednesday or I’m not going to be in any shape to do much of anything.  So that’s the plan…now, we’ll see if I can do it.  

Wish me luck! (you know I’ll need it because I’m not good at lazy)

As the birthdays over the past few years just haven’t gone according to plan (that’s an understatement), I’ve decided that I’m no longer celebrating my birthday on the actual date of birth.  That’s right, I’m changing my birthday to another date that hopefully will bode better than the original.  Hey, it’s worth a shot!

This last birthday (last week), not only didn’t go as planned but was by far one of the worst I’ve ever had.  I was in more pain than I ever remember being in and we had to cancel our trip out of town.  Now mind you, this trip was supposed to be a grand distraction to help take my mind off of everything that’s been going on as of late and relieve a bit of stress.  However, instead of venturing to the winery to taste all of the lovely bouquets, Jason spent the four day weekend waiting on me and assisting me in ways that a husband shouldn’t be required to do.  Thank God he’s  a saint of sorts or I would be in big trouble!  There’s no question as to how much he loves me, not that I ever questioned that before, but now it’s clearly apparent.

I’m not a lazy person by any means and I think it’s more than safe to state that I’m pretty independent as well.  I’m not a procrastinator either, by any stretch of the word…I like things done as soon as possible so that I can get on with life and other activities.  So when I’m not able to do things for myself, well…it’s not pretty.  I don’t have much in the way of patience and I’m told that I’m quite finicky on top of it.  I’m sure this is not sounding like a good combination at all is it? Well imagine how poor Jason feels when I’m physically incapable to take care of things or myself without assistance.  Right…most would be heading for divorce court by now.  Not us though, I’d do it for him in a heartbeat and he knows that.  In fact, I take pretty darn good care of him on a regular basis…so I don’t think he’s really reluctant to give back to me on occasion.   However, even this was above and beyond his job description I think.

I’m very appreciative of how well he took care of me last week and I know that after my surgery he will have to do it again, but hopefully this will be the last time it will be to such an extent.  *crosses fingers*

Anyway, I digress…since the attempts of celebrating my birthday over the past several years have gone awry, I’ve decided to just change the date of celebration.  I’ve thought about changing it to another month, but that didn’t feel right to me.  I also contemplated changing it to the date I had my bypass surgery three years ago, but I’m not really sure about that one either, even though the date holds significance to me…it’s not heartfelt enough.  Then I thought of celebrating it on the same day as a dear departed friend of mine was born, which happens to also be the day that Jason arrived here in Colorado in 2002 to begin our life together.  It also doesn’t hurt that it’s the same number that’s been used by my favorite athlete for his entire career.  This date holds great significance and very special meanings to me…so I think this is the one I’m opting for.

Therefore, from this day forward I declare that my birthday will be celebrated on July 21st! 

So, tomorrow I turn 34 and today my doctor confirmed yet another major surgery.  I’ve had severe endometriosis for over 10 years now and even had a surgery for it in 2003.  However, over the past year or so my symptoms have drastically worsened and my body has shown signs that something more sinister is happening.  In January I’d starting having symptoms of what I thought was the stomach flu, but turned out to be something that wound up lasting for months on end.  The doctor theorized that it may be leisons in my colon or intestines, but then thought that it might even be shingles when tests ruled out the other theories.  It wasn’t that either, in fact, he never figured out what it was.  Well, as usual I couldn’t just take “I don’t know” as an answer and started to research the symptoms on my own.  I thought about my symptoms and wondered if they could possibly be related to my endometriosis and learned that it was not only possible, but probable.

I spoke to the doctor about this and wondered if there was any way that my endometriosis was somehow fusing my organs together.  He didn’t think that this was the situation and told me not to worry about that.  So a couple of months went by and the symptoms subsided a bit, but new symptoms appeared.  My menstrual cycles got much more severe and I started developing yeast infections for absolutely not apparent reason…in the middle of my cycle!  So again, I went to the doctor and he gave me meds for the infections and did a pelvic exam but said that he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.  Again, this was not an acceptable answer for me, so once again I did research on my own.  I learned that the endometrios can cause the infections as well as a lot of other things I’d never known about.  The more I read, the more I thought that my worst fear of the organ fusion could be a real possibility.

So I finally got into an OBGYN and told her of my fears and symptoms.  She’s a friend’s doctor and was very open minded about it all and sympathized with my situation.  She examined me and stated immediately that I was right about the fusion.  She said that my uterus is for sure fused to the back of my pelvic area and that we won’t know to what extent until they open me up.  She went on to tell me that in my case I should have a full hysterectomy, but there was no way that I can have it vaginally because of the fusion of severe scar tissue, they will have to do an open abdominal incision (hipbone to hipbone).  She ordered an ultrasound and found that I have 5 cysts on my right ovary and that my left ovary is enlarged and inactive.  They also found severe scarring along with evidence of past ruptured cysts and fibroids.

She put me on progesterone to attempt to stop my cycle until we finished with testing and scheduled surgery.  This has not worked at all, even with having me on double the recommended dosage.  In fact, not only have I still been bleeding, but the pain has been worse than it normally is.  Then, last night I started having severe reactions to the medication (heart palpatations and shortness of breath)…so I’ve stopped taking the drug.  She wanted to have me take a round of Lupron, a new medication that simulated menapause to test how I would react to estrogen supplements, however, this would cost me $700 a shot!  Oh my insurance would cover it, but only after I’d paid the $1500 deductable!  The insurance didn’t see the Lupron as a prescription medication, because it’s a shot it was listed as a medical procedure.  I immediately said that we’re not going that route.  I spoke with doc on Monday and told her that I understand that risks of the surgery and that I don’t feel putting it off for 3 months to test on a medication that is basically going to tell me what I’m going to have to find out anyway is worht it.  This is only going to get worse over time, so time isn’t something I’m willing to waster. This morning her office called me and confirmed the scheduling of my surgery for the end of this month.  The surgery is to last a minimum of 5-6 hours, if there are not complications and will require a minimum 2 night stay in the hospital.  I will then be on 6 weeks of restrictions.

I have mixed emotions regarding this surgery.  I realize that it’s necessary and may even be life saving as my uterus could be fused to vital organs, but since the last time I had a major surgery I wound up in ICU, I’m a bit nervous.  I’m more worried about my kids and my husband than I am for myself.  They are the ones having to watch me go through all of this again and are scared, especially the kids.  I hate that they have spent so much time with me in the hospital over recent years.  However, I’m certainly not willing to just let this go and risk death either, it’s a double edged sword I suppose.

In the meantime, I’m trying to enjoy my time with my family before surgery.  My best friend is coming to visit in a couple of weeks, so that will be a welcomed distraction for sure.  In fact, they wanted to schedule my surgery for day he arrives and I said no.  I need to have that time with him before I go through this.  We haven’t seen each other for 2 years now and I need time to just let go and have some fun.

Dora & I recently took a trip to Michigan (my home state) for my niece’s graduation and to see some old friends.  My brother was quite angry that I was attending his daughter’s graduation, due to the fact that he was not extended an invitation.  This is his own fault by the way and I really don’t feel sorry for him, but I do for my niece.  Although, I’m quite proud of her for standing up to him and taking control of her life.  She certainly was not blessed with wonderful parents, but she turned out strong and very smart in spite of them.

We had a great time back home and even got to visit my birthplace (Holland) while there.  I’ve posted some pictures from our trip if anyone wants to take a peek.

Okay, I think I’ve filled the page quite a bit considering I’ve been absent for so long.  I’m exhausted and on painkillers at the moment, so I’m going to retire for the night.

Tomorrow I will be 34…but I feel as if I’m turning 84.