First off...I want you all to know that I haven't forgotten you, or my blog here...but I tell you what, time isn't of abundance in my life!  I attended my 6 week post-op appointment last Friday (after having to reschedule due to some over-anxious babies being born).  The doc says that I'm not only doing extremely well, but I'm completely fixed.  Really?  That doesn't seem real to me.  Somehow, after striving all these years to be "pain free", to actually have accomplished this goal seems so surreal.  Not that I'm ungrateful mind you, but just still in shock I think.

I feel great to be honest and am feeling stronger all of the time.  The doc lifted all restrictions in our meeting and then warned me to not jump back into life too quickly!  She told me that I should start "easing back in to a normal routine".  Well, you know me...yeah, I jump!  I'm trying really hard to be more conscious in regards to this, but that's pretty difficult for me as I've always been one to just get things done and no dilly-dally about.

As wonderful as the news was and is, it was skewed a bit by the actions of another when my ex decided to make comment toward me on his public website.  This is not the first time that he and his wife have made crude remarks on my behalf since they married in 2005.  However, it's one thing for the wife to do so, but it's quite another when the father of my three youngest children does it! 

Now what could he have said about me that could possibly be so upsetting?  Well, he stated that I was "psychotic".  Yup, me...psychotic.  I've been called many things in my life, however up to this point that term had not been used (to my knowledge) in regards to me.  My first reaction when I viewed this comment was that I didn't want my children to see this, but then I changed my mind.  My youngest daughter is almost twelve and I think that she has a right to know the type of things that he dad is saying about her mother when she's not around or he thinks no one is reading.  She was not pleased when I told her of this and even less so was my oldest daughter (now seventeen).  She went so far as to post a comment asking him, "So since when is my mother psychotic?".   Of course by this point he'd deleted his comment, but he still responded to her by stating something to the effect of since he was angry and it was a long time ago and he deleted it because it wasn't nice (btw, a long time ago was 2/13/09).  Whatever.

I would be lying to say that him saying this about me didn't hurt my feelings, so I won't.  It does.  I've known him since we were teenagers and we were very good friends before we ever started dating.  I've tried very hard, since our divorce, to be more than just cordial with him.  In fact, Jason has been telling me for years that I'm entirely too nice when it comes to dealing with him.  I guess that's pretty accurate, but it's only been because I don't want the children to get caught up in any more drama than necessary.  Unlike their father, I've done nothing but put them first in every decision I've made over the years.  Jason will be the first to tell you that he plays second fiddle in regards to those kids, but he was warned up front that this would be the case. 

I guess that it's true that you just never really know someone as well as you think you do.  That's unfortunate.

I do, however, believe that before using a term to describe another person that one should first know the full definition of the word they are using.  Also, one should also take a very close look at oneself, and their spouse for that matter, before going so far as to insult another, especially in a public forum.  Just saying. 

Even though I've been behaving myself post-surgery, it doesn't mean that it's any less frustrating for me.  One would think that depending upon others is what frustrates me the most, but it's not.  I'm frustrated with my body, for one, and the fact that I'm not prepared for school to start for my kids in just a little over a week.  I'm normally totally prepared for the beginning of the new school year, but this year it is not the case at all.  Mostly due to my recent major surgery, but also because my three youngest are attending school in a new district this year and have conflicting start times.  When I say conflicting, I mean that in the total sense of the word.  Not only do these start times conflict with my work schedule, but it puts Corin, my almost 12 year old, starting school before the twins (Caleb & Jonah) who are only 10.  Dora, my eldest at almost 17, isn't even able to help me out with this as her schedule conflicts as well.  We're looking into adjusting her schedule, but that may not be the solution to the problem.  I may have to ask my ex's mom to help me out and get my boys on the bus each morning or drop them off at school.  She only lives 3 miles from us, but I'd hate to imposition her by disrupting her mornings.

I'm sure that we will figure something out, even if it means changing my work schedule, but I really wan to make that my last resort.  Being the in charge of operations, I work some early hours and if I'm restricted to working later, that will make my job a tad bit difficult to say the least.

The other major thing that is frustrating me regarding the start of school is that I'm not able to go out and buy the kid's school supplies as I'm not allowed to drive yet and my body is letting me stand for that long of a period yet either.  I was able to order some new items for them on-line yesterday.  Caleb has had his heart set on a new Wall-E backpack & lunch tote, so I went to the on-line Disney store and found both for $17, which is pretty good price wise.  I was also able to get new ones for Corin & Jonah as well, along with a couple new shirts for each of them and a new raincoat for Caleb.  He has major issues with rainy weather, the texture of the rain when it hits his skin tends to make him have a meltdown so I thought that if he had a new Wall-E raincoat that it might help on rainy days.  Anyway, I got all of those items for under $100, including shipping!  This made me feel a bit better, but not entirely.  I had Jason go get the boys some new jeans from  K-Mart this morning, on sale for $10 a pair...again, not bad.  I bought the boys new shoes a few weeks ago that I'd found on clearance at Wal-Mart for $13 each. 

Even though I consider myself to be a pretty frugal shopper, I'm well aware of how much is spent on preparing the kids for school each year.  Dora's fees for her senior year will total out at $130, which is nothing compared to what it would be if she attended her home school instead of a alternative school.  Even still, Corin's fees were around $60 and the boys will total out around $50 each which adds up.  Not to mention how much Jason will spend on his supplies for the new year.

I must say that more than anything though, I'm frustrated that my kids are not home with me.  I haven't had them home in 2 weeks now due to them coming down with chicken pox just before I went in for surgery.  I've never been apart from them for this length of time and I'm not coping well with it.  I saw Jonah yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks and it was only for just a few minutes.  I'm sure that not having them home right now is allowing me to get much needed rest, but it doesn't mean that I miss them any less.  Especially knowing how badly they wish to be home with me.  I supposed to get a little time with Corin & Jonah tomorrow, but not Caleb as he still has the chicken pox.  I've had the chicken pox, in fact I had it 4 times as a child.  However, since I have a weak immune system to begin with and have just had major surgery, this risk of me contracting shingles from exposure to someone with chicken pox, is much greater than most.

I just want things to be normal again and I'm running low on patience.  I'm sure these feelings have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'm now in menopause right? Yeah...I'm sure that's not a factor at all.

Well...today is pre-op and tomorrow is the BIG day.  I check into the hospital tomorrow morning at 8am and surgery is scheduled for 10am.  I'm on clear liquids today and nothing after midnight tonight.  I'm really hoping that I won't be awake at that hour.  I had to get up at 2:30 this morning to take my mom and her bff to the airport so that they could go to their 40th class reunion in Michigan.  Yes, my mom is going out of state while I'm undergoing a major surgery.  In fact, I asked her to go.  Why you ask? Well, let's just say, I'm supposed to be as calm as possible during the next 24 hrs and that just can't be accomplished with my mother here.  She tends to raise my bloodpressure just a tad.  So off she went, but of course her bff forgot her precious cell phone behind and now I'm having to overnight it to her.  I have a UPS account, so not big deal, but she didn't know the address as to where she'll be staying, so I have to wait until she calls me and gives me the shipping information before I can send it to her.  I also was awake enough at 3 something this morning to get her credit card information to pay for this little mishap, considering it's going to cost about $45 to ship it Next Day Air! OUCH!

Anyway, I had a GREAT time visiting with my bff while he was here!  Jason & I really miss having him around and wish that we all lived closer, but I'm not willing to move back to Dallas to make that happen.  So, we settle for the visits when we can get them.  We did manage to get a really good photo of the two of us while he was here though (thanks to my wonderful hubby for his photography skills).

I wish I had more time today to sit and chat with everyone, but unfortunately I don't.  In just a moment I have to run some errands (bank, DMV, store, etc) in preparation for being out of the loop for a few weeks.  I did want to say thank you to all of you who've shown your support and shared kind words with Jason & me during this trying time.  We appreciate it very much.

As for my Jason, well...you know I love you more than I could ever express...but just in case you've forgotten, I love you baby.